![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Entry tags:
Yet Another Belated Weekly Update
Alright, belated weekly update time! Except this week we are going to do something completely different, seeing as I am utterly bored by my own monotony and just cannot summon the "gives-a-shit" to write a play-by-play of how my week has gone.
Instead, we're going to talk a little bit about memory loss.
There's a reason I personally find things like twitter and journaling to be, not just addictive in a way but necessary to my life. Twitter and this journal (any well-kept journal, really) are a record of what I've done which I can look back at in times of doubt to reassure myself of how I've spent my time, or whether I really did something, or find out whether I've forgotten to do something. This is invaluable to me, because one of my greatest fears is of losing my memory. The idea that I might not remember some of this very basic stuff is terrifying to me.
And this frightens me for very personal reasons which I don't really care to discuss in a public forum like an unlocked journal entry, but the details of what happened to give me such an ingrained fear are kind of beside the point.
The fact that this is my primary drive with journaling presents a particular brand of challenge. On the one hand, I want a complete and accurate record of events for my own purposes. On the other, I use this journal as a form of being in touch with friends and I want to write things that other people will actually find interesting to read.
I honestly have no idea who is reading this, or what y'all find interesting. I just kind of try to make the mundane reality of my life sound not too incredibly boring, lol.
I do wish dreamwidth had a "like" feature and have thought more than once about whether I could add a widget people could click to show me they've read an entry. I cross-post everything from twitter (if I'm not on hiatus from twitter) and some people do me the favor of liking that post, but I genuinely wish more people would write a comment (even anonymously if you don't have a DW account) saying something as simple as "Hey, I'm here!" or "I'm glad you're doing well!" or just, literally anything I can look at and go "cool, someone saw this, someone is reading this."
But I mean, I'm gonna keep writing these things anyway. I do it for you, but I do it for myself to an equal or greater degree. Lack of feedback will not deter me in my TL;DR journal writing, because I don't write these things in search of feedback.
I'm still working on the problem of "what is fun to write? what is fun to read?" but we'll just have to explore my attempts to balance those things together.
In terms of life stuff this past week...
I really, genuinely cannot give enough of a shit to do this any other way, so we're going to break down the last week and a half in list form. Last week was pretty good but this week I have allowed myself to become chronically sleep-deprived, so my memory is going pretty hazy. Considering my lead-in for this whole entry was "hey, memory loss terrifies me!" this is... Not my favorite thing.
But yeah. Past happenings.
Tuesday 7/17: Worked, grocery shopped, biked, ate dinner, did not write. I may have watched Kimi wa Petto with Samy? I don't remember if that was Monday or Tuesday any more.
Wednesday 7/18: Worked, ate dinner, did write this day. I think I tried to lie on my face but Mels twisted my arm and we moral supported our way through writing together.
Thursday 7/19: Worked, grabbed a few more things from the grocery store, biked, wrote for the big bang. Finished the second to last scene in Yukimura's part of the story.
Friday 7/20: Worked, wrote like two whole paragraphs but I also at least did editing on the scene from the night before, went for allergy shots with mom. My sister came with us and afterward we got sushi takeout and bubble tea and ate a nice late lunch / early dinner at my house around 4pm. Then we drove to dad's and went swimming, and sis and I spent the night.
Saturday 7/21: Fell on my face a lot, ate a nice crepe, watched TV with sis, eventually went driving with dad even though it was raining, had a nice dinner with dad and sis, then watched second season tenimyu nats Hyoutei with Samy. I put it on dad's kitchen TV which has his DIY surround sound and that was kind of wild. Did not write.
Sunday 7/22: Eventually ate breakfast even though dad's plumbing got fucked up and he banned us all from dirtying any real dishes. Went to see Psiten. Wrote with Psiten, got Panera for late lunch / early dinner, wrote more with Psiten, decided we'd done enough and put on Yukimura's concert DVD. Had to leave to drive home before finishing the concert, thereby punishing Psiten for no good reason. Drove home and through the Checker's drive-through to buy dad a milkshake, lol. It was! A nice day!! Not nearly as productive as I would have liked but I got to see Psiten and I did finish Yukimura's part of the story.
Monday 7/23: Fell on my face most of the day, did not do any of the house chores or cleaning I planned, slept way later than planned, and then downloaded a new mobage and played the new mobage for like... At least six hours. I'm so sorry. Got to sleep way, way, waaaaay too late.
Tuesday 7/24: Zombie'd my way through work on no sleep, did not bike because it was raining, did not grocery shop either even though Tuesday is usually my prime grocery shopping day, played even more mobage, laid in bed half the evening but still did not sleep until far too late, good fucking job me.
Wednesday 7/25: Worked, went to DC for therapy, got dinner at the Greek cafe I like, and wrote in the Greek cafe with Mels once again as moral support. Finished the first scene of the third (Yanagi's) part of my big bang story. Called Mels on the phone on the walk home from the metro, played EVEN MORE MOBAGE because I have a problem, bedtime.
Thursday 7/26: Worked, still no fucking groceries, biked, showered, continued playing too much mobage instead of writing but listen, listen, I was so tired. Mels helpfully shamed me a little but it was no use.
And that brings me to today! I am gonna... Go to the park near my work this afternoon, even though it's supposed to possibly rain later in the day, and write. I still have... So much to do, I really cannot finish SEVENTEEN SCENES, WHICH IS HOW MUCH OF MY OUTLINE IS LEFT in a week, but. I'm coming to terms with the fact that I'll just post the prologue and first section of the story on the big bang posting date, and keep working on the rest until it's finished.
I had the naive notion that I could do a once a week posting schedule but I don't know if I'll be done with the entire story TWO WEEKS FROM NEXT SATURDAY, even. Maybe I should do every other week, that would mean prologue and part one on 8/4, part two on 8/18, and part three and the epilogue on 9/1. Which... Feels kind of fitting, somehow? That should leave me enough time to at least properly proofread, if not edit any more intensively than that, and will mean this really was a summer-long project.
Technically, I began this project a week into April. I think signups for the big bang ended at the beginning of the month but I took a little time to figure out what I wanted to do, and then began planning and outlining in seriousness on April 9th, if my scattered documentation of my writing process is correct. That means I've spent FOUR MONTHS on this story, and when it's done I will have spent FIVE MONTHS. If I was kinder I'd make it six and do real edits but I'm tired and I want to be done by September first, done by the first sounds like a good plan.
There's still so much left to do but just!!! I do get excited when I think about this project! I feel good when I look back at how much I've done and how consistently I've been writing. I haven't been this diligent or driven about a writing project since like... My second year of college. That's ABOUT TEN YEARS AGO now so I just. Am sincerely proud of myself for working hard and creating a thing that genuinely does make me happy. Even if it doesn't end up being the most polished or well-plotted story (I'm pretty sure it's terribly plotted, objectively speaking, but shhhhhhhhh, shh shh shh, self indulgence won out) it's one whole probably-will-be-novel-length story and that's something I've never done before.
I've never written an entire completed draft of this length! The longest complete story I ever wrote was 50k words! This is! Super exciting!!!
As much as I cry and scream about the big bang, and lament not doing it "properly" and within the timeframe designated by the event, I am so so happy I chose to do this. It's been a really good experience.
Anyway, we're gonna call it a day, this is probably as much of a TL;DR as it needs to be. It would be super cool if I could SHUT UP AGAIN once I start talking about writing but like... Can't stop, won't stop, thanks again for accompanying me on this wild ride of furious writing. It's been an adventure.
Instead, we're going to talk a little bit about memory loss.
There's a reason I personally find things like twitter and journaling to be, not just addictive in a way but necessary to my life. Twitter and this journal (any well-kept journal, really) are a record of what I've done which I can look back at in times of doubt to reassure myself of how I've spent my time, or whether I really did something, or find out whether I've forgotten to do something. This is invaluable to me, because one of my greatest fears is of losing my memory. The idea that I might not remember some of this very basic stuff is terrifying to me.
And this frightens me for very personal reasons which I don't really care to discuss in a public forum like an unlocked journal entry, but the details of what happened to give me such an ingrained fear are kind of beside the point.
The fact that this is my primary drive with journaling presents a particular brand of challenge. On the one hand, I want a complete and accurate record of events for my own purposes. On the other, I use this journal as a form of being in touch with friends and I want to write things that other people will actually find interesting to read.
I honestly have no idea who is reading this, or what y'all find interesting. I just kind of try to make the mundane reality of my life sound not too incredibly boring, lol.
I do wish dreamwidth had a "like" feature and have thought more than once about whether I could add a widget people could click to show me they've read an entry. I cross-post everything from twitter (if I'm not on hiatus from twitter) and some people do me the favor of liking that post, but I genuinely wish more people would write a comment (even anonymously if you don't have a DW account) saying something as simple as "Hey, I'm here!" or "I'm glad you're doing well!" or just, literally anything I can look at and go "cool, someone saw this, someone is reading this."
But I mean, I'm gonna keep writing these things anyway. I do it for you, but I do it for myself to an equal or greater degree. Lack of feedback will not deter me in my TL;DR journal writing, because I don't write these things in search of feedback.
I'm still working on the problem of "what is fun to write? what is fun to read?" but we'll just have to explore my attempts to balance those things together.
In terms of life stuff this past week...
I really, genuinely cannot give enough of a shit to do this any other way, so we're going to break down the last week and a half in list form. Last week was pretty good but this week I have allowed myself to become chronically sleep-deprived, so my memory is going pretty hazy. Considering my lead-in for this whole entry was "hey, memory loss terrifies me!" this is... Not my favorite thing.
But yeah. Past happenings.
Tuesday 7/17: Worked, grocery shopped, biked, ate dinner, did not write. I may have watched Kimi wa Petto with Samy? I don't remember if that was Monday or Tuesday any more.
Wednesday 7/18: Worked, ate dinner, did write this day. I think I tried to lie on my face but Mels twisted my arm and we moral supported our way through writing together.
Thursday 7/19: Worked, grabbed a few more things from the grocery store, biked, wrote for the big bang. Finished the second to last scene in Yukimura's part of the story.
Friday 7/20: Worked, wrote like two whole paragraphs but I also at least did editing on the scene from the night before, went for allergy shots with mom. My sister came with us and afterward we got sushi takeout and bubble tea and ate a nice late lunch / early dinner at my house around 4pm. Then we drove to dad's and went swimming, and sis and I spent the night.
Saturday 7/21: Fell on my face a lot, ate a nice crepe, watched TV with sis, eventually went driving with dad even though it was raining, had a nice dinner with dad and sis, then watched second season tenimyu nats Hyoutei with Samy. I put it on dad's kitchen TV which has his DIY surround sound and that was kind of wild. Did not write.
Sunday 7/22: Eventually ate breakfast even though dad's plumbing got fucked up and he banned us all from dirtying any real dishes. Went to see Psiten. Wrote with Psiten, got Panera for late lunch / early dinner, wrote more with Psiten, decided we'd done enough and put on Yukimura's concert DVD. Had to leave to drive home before finishing the concert, thereby punishing Psiten for no good reason. Drove home and through the Checker's drive-through to buy dad a milkshake, lol. It was! A nice day!! Not nearly as productive as I would have liked but I got to see Psiten and I did finish Yukimura's part of the story.
Monday 7/23: Fell on my face most of the day, did not do any of the house chores or cleaning I planned, slept way later than planned, and then downloaded a new mobage and played the new mobage for like... At least six hours. I'm so sorry. Got to sleep way, way, waaaaay too late.
Tuesday 7/24: Zombie'd my way through work on no sleep, did not bike because it was raining, did not grocery shop either even though Tuesday is usually my prime grocery shopping day, played even more mobage, laid in bed half the evening but still did not sleep until far too late, good fucking job me.
Wednesday 7/25: Worked, went to DC for therapy, got dinner at the Greek cafe I like, and wrote in the Greek cafe with Mels once again as moral support. Finished the first scene of the third (Yanagi's) part of my big bang story. Called Mels on the phone on the walk home from the metro, played EVEN MORE MOBAGE because I have a problem, bedtime.
Thursday 7/26: Worked, still no fucking groceries, biked, showered, continued playing too much mobage instead of writing but listen, listen, I was so tired. Mels helpfully shamed me a little but it was no use.
And that brings me to today! I am gonna... Go to the park near my work this afternoon, even though it's supposed to possibly rain later in the day, and write. I still have... So much to do, I really cannot finish SEVENTEEN SCENES, WHICH IS HOW MUCH OF MY OUTLINE IS LEFT in a week, but. I'm coming to terms with the fact that I'll just post the prologue and first section of the story on the big bang posting date, and keep working on the rest until it's finished.
I had the naive notion that I could do a once a week posting schedule but I don't know if I'll be done with the entire story TWO WEEKS FROM NEXT SATURDAY, even. Maybe I should do every other week, that would mean prologue and part one on 8/4, part two on 8/18, and part three and the epilogue on 9/1. Which... Feels kind of fitting, somehow? That should leave me enough time to at least properly proofread, if not edit any more intensively than that, and will mean this really was a summer-long project.
Technically, I began this project a week into April. I think signups for the big bang ended at the beginning of the month but I took a little time to figure out what I wanted to do, and then began planning and outlining in seriousness on April 9th, if my scattered documentation of my writing process is correct. That means I've spent FOUR MONTHS on this story, and when it's done I will have spent FIVE MONTHS. If I was kinder I'd make it six and do real edits but I'm tired and I want to be done by September first, done by the first sounds like a good plan.
There's still so much left to do but just!!! I do get excited when I think about this project! I feel good when I look back at how much I've done and how consistently I've been writing. I haven't been this diligent or driven about a writing project since like... My second year of college. That's ABOUT TEN YEARS AGO now so I just. Am sincerely proud of myself for working hard and creating a thing that genuinely does make me happy. Even if it doesn't end up being the most polished or well-plotted story (I'm pretty sure it's terribly plotted, objectively speaking, but shhhhhhhhh, shh shh shh, self indulgence won out) it's one whole probably-will-be-novel-length story and that's something I've never done before.
I've never written an entire completed draft of this length! The longest complete story I ever wrote was 50k words! This is! Super exciting!!!
As much as I cry and scream about the big bang, and lament not doing it "properly" and within the timeframe designated by the event, I am so so happy I chose to do this. It's been a really good experience.
Anyway, we're gonna call it a day, this is probably as much of a TL;DR as it needs to be. It would be super cool if I could SHUT UP AGAIN once I start talking about writing but like... Can't stop, won't stop, thanks again for accompanying me on this wild ride of furious writing. It's been an adventure.