![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Entry tags:
A Weekly Update
So! I guess it is time for a weekly update! I didn't plan deliberately to do these on Thursdays and often Thursday is my busiest day, so I doubt it'll stay that way, but this is cracking up nicely.
It'd be cool if I did a con report, huh? Con reports are fun, right?
Mostly this is not a con report.
The big thing I miss about journaling is having a contained space for one's thoughts, spread out at whatever length is required to make sense of them. Keeping a personal journal where I write about each day in minute detail is kind of helping with that, but there's just something different about writing for a (perceived) audience.
So I want to do some of that, but first I'm gonna break down my con SCHEDULE, because that's like... Con Report: Lightning Round.
THURSDAY
FRIDAY
SATURDAY
SUNDAY
Yes, these times are for the most part entirely accurate, give or take a few minutes. Since my schedule so strictly revolved around concerts and when things closed, I know exactly when I did almost everything this weekend, lol. Which is why I kind of just wanted to see this laid out in timetable view.
It was such a good con weekend!! I go to Magfest for the music so all I wanted to do was go to lots of good shows and play an ungodly amount of Jubeat and I succeeded brilliantly at both things. I also got to hang out with Sam and Ciry a lot, which is the only other thing I could really ask for. It was great.
The other thing I wanted to use my weekly update for was to talk about the "keeping up with the Joneses" effect with social media.
My brain is a little fried now compared to when I started this entry (it was interrupted with a lot of... me doing actual work, lol) but I still want to pour out some of my thoughts. Partially, I wanted a social media hiatus for the reasons I said: to detox from politics and the always-on feeling, and from fandom discourse. But the other thing I wanted to detox from is that sense that everyone else is doing so much more than you creatively, or contributing to fandom more than you, and that you're falling behind.
I used to be of the opinion that as long as you knew this was happening, you wouldn't fall prey to it. I see posts on twitter targeting this issue with artists specifically, and cautioning them not to push themselves to overwork and burnout because they feel behind, when that effect is created by seeing the sum total output of EVERY OTHER ARTIST you know on social media. If you looked at each of those people individually, likely their output is similar to yours, maybe less! But because we take in social media as a whole, our small efforts feel dwarfed by the efforts of the community.
And the thing is, knowing that it's happening really DOESN'T stop the feeling from settling in.
It's especially bad when you aren't contributing any output at all. I want to take a break from writing for fandom (possibly permanently) to focus on writing original fiction, but seeing other people contributing and writing fic just... Makes me feel really bad. I've always hung my identity in fandom on Being A Writer so if I'm not a fanfic writer any more... What am I? What makes me matter in fandom? Why should anyone even talk to me?
And like, I KNOW, I know intellectually that this isn't how it works! My friends talk to me because they like me as a person, I can still contribute meta! Fans I don't already know may want to talk to me for the same reason! But it still... Feels so bad, talking to other writers who are creating new works for your fandoms and feeling like you are no longer an equal to them, or that you cannot talk to them about writing, because you are no longer doing it.
Maybe it isn't the most mature solution in the world, to look at this problem and come up with the answer of "well I'll just remove myself, because then I won't feel that way any more." But I test-drove my solution for two weeks and let me tell you, I feel so much better about not writing fic when I'm not constantly inundated with fandom content on a daily basis. So yeah, I'm going to continue to avoid my twitter feed as much as possible, because at this point so little of what it shows me is anything that makes me feel good.
I've always preferred for fandom to be dialectic. I enjoy reading fic, and viewing fanart, but I want to come across those things by sharing them directly between people, not in a constant stream of information where the sheer volume -- and percentage of it that just isn't relevant to my fandoms or to my taste -- is overwhelming. I realize that what I'm saying sounds a lot like "I just don't want to be in fandom" because twitter is the primary sphere where fandom exists for me, but that isn't true. I just want to limit my fandom exposure to direct interaction between myself and other fans.
So. Yeah. That's about where I'm at.
If you come across fanart for things I like and you think I might enjoy it, please direct it my way! Please feel welcome to DM me things that make you think of me, or send them to me on discord! (I'm gonna try to check discord messages every 24-48 hours but I don't want to be having involved conversations every day, sorry, I just don't have the time.)
But mostly I am doing my best to cultivate a simpler, happier life where I don't have to expose myself to tons of stuff I dislike, IN MY FREE TIME, THROUGH MY HOBBIES. I am the curator of the content I consume and I'm gonna make sure it has the highest percentage of things I enjoy, and only those.
Thank you for reading.
It'd be cool if I did a con report, huh? Con reports are fun, right?
Mostly this is not a con report.
The big thing I miss about journaling is having a contained space for one's thoughts, spread out at whatever length is required to make sense of them. Keeping a personal journal where I write about each day in minute detail is kind of helping with that, but there's just something different about writing for a (perceived) audience.
So I want to do some of that, but first I'm gonna break down my con SCHEDULE, because that's like... Con Report: Lightning Round.
THURSDAY
- 6:30 pm: Get to con
- 6:45 pm: Get through registration
- 6:50 pm: Get to concert hall; find out concert has been pushed back
- 7:30 pm: Double Experience Concert
- 8:30 pm: Meet up with Sam and Ciry
- 9:00 pm: Go back to the hotel; eat dinner, hang out, decompress, get ready for bed, etc
- 1:00 am: Actually go to bed
FRIDAY
- 8:30 am: Wake up; eat hotel breakfast
- 9:45 am: Shower, get dressed for con, head to con hotel
- 11:15 am: Arrive at con
- 11:20 am: P L A Y ♥ J U B E A T
- 3:00 pm: Rare Candy Concert
- 4:00 pm: Amanda Lepre Concert
- 5:00 pm: Return to hotel; eat dinner
- 6:20 pm: HAUL ASS back to con
- 7:25 pm: Delorean Overdrive concert (started at 7pm; caught one song)
- 7:45 pm: Watch Jubeat tournament
- 9:00 pm: Lonelyrollingstars Concert
- 10:00 pm: Meet up with Ciry; decompress, hang out, go on a quest to try and find the Pose Lounge
- 11:45 pm: Depart con for the hotel
- 12:05 am: Relax, eat second dinner, turn in for bed
SATURDAY
- 9:00 am: Wake up; eat hotel breakfast
- 10:00 am: Shower, get dressed for con, head to con hotel
- 11:45 am: Arrive at con
- 11:48 am: P L A Y ♥ J U B E A T
- 3:00 pm: Shubzilla & Bill Beats Concert
- 4:00 pm: Find Belvedere Lobby Bar seating; buy drink
- 4:30 pm: Amanda Lepre Concert in Belvedere Lobby Bar
- 6:00 pm: Magic Hammer Concert
- 6:50 pm: Trek to Potbelly's with Sam
- 7:20 pm: Eat sandwich dinner in Gaylord
- 8:00 pm: Sammus Concert
- 9:00 pm: Check out Chipspace with Ciry
- 9:30 pm: Meet up with Rui, Mel, and Kai in the lobby
- 10:30 pm: Drinks with Rui, Mel, Kai, Taylor, and misc friends in Belvedere
- 11:45 pm: J U B E A T
- 12:30 am: Meet up with Sam and Ciry to leave for our hotel
- 1:00 am: Decompress in the hotel
- 3:00 am: Sleep
SUNDAY
- 9:30 am: Wake up; eat hotel breakfast
- 10:30 am: Shower, get dressed for con, head to con hotel
- 11:45 am: P L A Y ♥ J U B E A T
- 1:45 pm: Lightning round of browsing the expo hall for art
- 2:15 pm: Listen to performances in Jam Clinic
- 4:30 pm: Leave the Gaylord
- 5:50 pm: Celebratory post-con Tex-Mex dinner with Ciry and Sam
- 8:00 pm: HOME
Yes, these times are for the most part entirely accurate, give or take a few minutes. Since my schedule so strictly revolved around concerts and when things closed, I know exactly when I did almost everything this weekend, lol. Which is why I kind of just wanted to see this laid out in timetable view.
It was such a good con weekend!! I go to Magfest for the music so all I wanted to do was go to lots of good shows and play an ungodly amount of Jubeat and I succeeded brilliantly at both things. I also got to hang out with Sam and Ciry a lot, which is the only other thing I could really ask for. It was great.
The other thing I wanted to use my weekly update for was to talk about the "keeping up with the Joneses" effect with social media.
My brain is a little fried now compared to when I started this entry (it was interrupted with a lot of... me doing actual work, lol) but I still want to pour out some of my thoughts. Partially, I wanted a social media hiatus for the reasons I said: to detox from politics and the always-on feeling, and from fandom discourse. But the other thing I wanted to detox from is that sense that everyone else is doing so much more than you creatively, or contributing to fandom more than you, and that you're falling behind.
I used to be of the opinion that as long as you knew this was happening, you wouldn't fall prey to it. I see posts on twitter targeting this issue with artists specifically, and cautioning them not to push themselves to overwork and burnout because they feel behind, when that effect is created by seeing the sum total output of EVERY OTHER ARTIST you know on social media. If you looked at each of those people individually, likely their output is similar to yours, maybe less! But because we take in social media as a whole, our small efforts feel dwarfed by the efforts of the community.
And the thing is, knowing that it's happening really DOESN'T stop the feeling from settling in.
It's especially bad when you aren't contributing any output at all. I want to take a break from writing for fandom (possibly permanently) to focus on writing original fiction, but seeing other people contributing and writing fic just... Makes me feel really bad. I've always hung my identity in fandom on Being A Writer so if I'm not a fanfic writer any more... What am I? What makes me matter in fandom? Why should anyone even talk to me?
And like, I KNOW, I know intellectually that this isn't how it works! My friends talk to me because they like me as a person, I can still contribute meta! Fans I don't already know may want to talk to me for the same reason! But it still... Feels so bad, talking to other writers who are creating new works for your fandoms and feeling like you are no longer an equal to them, or that you cannot talk to them about writing, because you are no longer doing it.
Maybe it isn't the most mature solution in the world, to look at this problem and come up with the answer of "well I'll just remove myself, because then I won't feel that way any more." But I test-drove my solution for two weeks and let me tell you, I feel so much better about not writing fic when I'm not constantly inundated with fandom content on a daily basis. So yeah, I'm going to continue to avoid my twitter feed as much as possible, because at this point so little of what it shows me is anything that makes me feel good.
I've always preferred for fandom to be dialectic. I enjoy reading fic, and viewing fanart, but I want to come across those things by sharing them directly between people, not in a constant stream of information where the sheer volume -- and percentage of it that just isn't relevant to my fandoms or to my taste -- is overwhelming. I realize that what I'm saying sounds a lot like "I just don't want to be in fandom" because twitter is the primary sphere where fandom exists for me, but that isn't true. I just want to limit my fandom exposure to direct interaction between myself and other fans.
So. Yeah. That's about where I'm at.
If you come across fanart for things I like and you think I might enjoy it, please direct it my way! Please feel welcome to DM me things that make you think of me, or send them to me on discord! (I'm gonna try to check discord messages every 24-48 hours but I don't want to be having involved conversations every day, sorry, I just don't have the time.)
But mostly I am doing my best to cultivate a simpler, happier life where I don't have to expose myself to tons of stuff I dislike, IN MY FREE TIME, THROUGH MY HOBBIES. I am the curator of the content I consume and I'm gonna make sure it has the highest percentage of things I enjoy, and only those.
Thank you for reading.
no subject
Oh god, I feel this way all the time. In my case I tend to do it both with fanworks and regular social media stuff -- e.g. "oh god, this lifestyle blogger blogs so much, whereas I haven't written a new entry in a month, what's wrong with me" or even "all these people are so much more prolific commenters than I am, why can't I comment more." At the root of it is this irrational fear that I'm going to fade out into the dark because everyone around me is ficcing / blogging / interacting more than I am, and also this sense of self worth being directly linked to Getting a Thing Done. Which is a way of thinking that paradoxically makes it much harder to actually get anything done! Brains, man.
I think taking hiatuses can be super healthy in this situation (or at least, I take them). It also helps me personally to think of fics I love written by authors who have only ever written, like, one or two fics, and how their low output doesn't make their work or their talent any less impressive to me (and how I certainly don't think they're less valuable than other writers who might be more prolific, because every author and the voice they bring to their work is different).
Will do about sending links to fanwork directly, if I ever find any!
a simpler, happier life where I don't have to expose myself to tons of stuff I dislike, IN MY FREE TIME, THROUGH MY HOBBIES.
^ I think this is a super sensible policy regarding the internet in general, and I wish you luck in pursuing it.
no subject
I think I feel pretty similarly to what you describe... It's a bit different, but on a grander scale I personally have this thing about productivity, and about feeling bad when I don't use time in PRODUCTIVE ways. And my definition of what is productive is very kind! CONSUMING things feels productive to me, like reading a book or making progress on watching an anime series, but then I'll get hung up on all the things I want to consume and won't take the time to enjoy any of them and instead just feel bad about being bad with my time, it's so stupid.
But yeah, it is that kind of Getting A Thing Done need and it does make doing things so hard!! Brains are the worst.
I actually don't read enough to really be aware of authors in the way you describe. ^^;; I tend to do this thing where either I read for a fandom or I write for a fandom, I don't do both for the same piece of media. And I haven't had a reading-only fandom in a while, which means I mostly just... Read stuff by friends or during SASO or because someone recced a fic to me. I have so little awareness of those authors outside those contexts, oops.
But yeah idk I think a lot of people would be happier if they curated their online experience to see less of stuff that upsets them, lol. Current purity culture could take like, a whooooole lotta leaves out of that book.
no subject
i find twitter can also be exhausting for me because it's so many different thoughts all in the same place in such small pieces that are easy to read and absorb that it feels like i'm rushing through a lot of information without really thinking about it. this journal entry itself was a nice break from that, so thank you! it was nice to sit with something longer that wasn't fictional or like... a news article, i guess, and be able to form thoughts about it.
anyway... good to see you here :) i don't really know what your fandoms are, other than where our interests intersect, so basically if i see good fuji/takashi content in the wild i'm heading your way
no subject
But yeah, that's a lot of my problem with twitter, too. I don't think the human brain is meant to take in that many disparate pieces of information as quickly as twitter feeds them to you, so it causes a form of mental fatigue. Making myself take the time to write longer things, and READ longer things, really has been a good exercise for my mind.
BUT YEAH I'M ALWAYS READY FOR TAKAFUJI, BLESS YOU, PS